Today is the MRI session !

Zaila,

MRI is not a killing machine! It just a Magnetic Reasoning Imaging Process. Please be remind in your head. Be cool. Be relax... InsyaALLAH 1 1/2 hours laying inside there will be nothing...

Arrrghhhhh!!!! Regardless how I try to convince my self I still can't feel relax, I'm still scared, I'm nervous to go through in that machine... Yet still I'm eager to know whats wrong with my bones/body... Doctor said this will be the final screening. If they couldn't find anything wrong, they have to dismiss my case... their presumptions now most probably that the pain is cause by the OB.

But I'm still in pain...

Ya ALLAH... Help Me...

Hopefully everything will going well... Hopefully they can find what went wrong and its not just the mechanical pain because of the bloody OB...

Pray for me please...

New Year What's Up...

Today is the last day of 2009. Tomorrow is 2010. The new year of Julian calendar. New Year of Islamic Calendar year 1431 was 14 days ago. I know I haven't write much in this blog since 2008 though once I had a thought that I may write day to day of my life like other people since I can publish new entry from my email... But then as usual this girl call iejay always have her reason for not doing so. Her normal reason like... work load, have lots of other blog to update, busy with her manuscript, lots of book to read, lots of thing to watch and so on... Aiyaaa la this girl kan...

OK now I want to recap few things that happen to me since 2008 (Qada' what I haven't wrote here and what I still remember to write...)

• I've got the promotion to be permanent staff (but the salary still ciput). Thinking of find a new job but feel lazy to hassle and bustle again doing job application, job interview, get to know other people, etc...etc... I guess cukuplah rezeki yang ALLAH bagi ni...

• I am officially a fiction writer!!! I have a novel that has been published... Lagu Cinta which have been published by NBKara Sdn Bhd... MY 2nd book finished it already and Insya-ALLAH will be publishing by March 2010. Since I'm a small kid, I love books.... I'm still hold my dream to have a book collection like the one in Disney's Beauty and The Beast cartoon (the book shelf are up to the ceiling...huhuhu...) Like Reese Whiterspoon say, "I get crazy in a bookstore. It makes my heart beat hard because I want to buy everything...", so am I. But I never ever dream to write my own books. So unpredictable those from just suka-suka writing in one of my blog it become a career. But sometimes I hate it as I need to focus to achieve my target dateline, huh. But then Alhamdulillah, at least I've could earn extra pocket money.

• Ha, at the moment I'm still a single lady, unmarried, boyfriend-less... huhuhu... Well in May 2010 I'll turn 28... aaaaaa.... lots of my friend already married and have children... How I wish to be like them. I know ALLAH already set my jodoh somewhere somehow since I'm at LohMahfuz... And so I know that a good girl will get a good guy as her partner. Though I can't say I'm that too good but I'll always try to be good girl in order for me to get a good guy. And I'm waiting for my time to feel the gift of love that ALLAH has destine for me.

I'm kind of tired to get know guys or have crush on one where in the end I'm the one who will feel hurt. So as my usual rayuan gombal, If you are or you know any other guy who still single, non smokers, decent enough to be a good husband (have stable salary and can guide me to be a good muslimah) and looking for a wife, please come to my house (want my address? do contact me)... pinanglah saya... huhuhu... gatal! Hey this is serious okay... *I live in KL where there is no way any strangers to come and give a hand to marry me like what we always see in kampung. So it’s hard for me able to experience like that. How I wish I could say to my abah, "Abah pilih sahaja mana2 menantu yang abah nak akak kahwin and I'll totally agree with it."*

• I love shopping... been shopping like hell this past few years until my bank account always almost no balance at the end of month... I love to shop for Sara and Adi (my niece and nephew) and others... What to do if you are a girl and destine to be shopaholic? Oh, by the way I love Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella. And since I read her books I start to read other English books (mostly chick lit genre)… My fav writer? Sophie Kinsella of course, Isabel Wolff, Alexandra Potter, Matt Dunn, Jane Green...

• What I love? Since 2008 till now so far... Shopaholic, the above writers, Reese Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Coffee Prince, Daniel Henney, Jared Padalecki, Milo Ventimiglia, Chad Michael Murray, Gong Yo, etc...etc... hahaha...

• I have generally been diagnosed with Spondylolisthesis at L4/L5 of my back bone on late October 2009. It do really pain when it strikes me. Now I've to depend on Celebrex, a pain killer that claim to be so good. My next appointment with Orthopedic Clinic HKL will be on 19 January 2010. (Lambatnya...) But the doctor say, even operation can't do much to my bone. The worst thing is because the pain is a rare thing to most people and it can't be seen with our own eyes, they (my family mostly) tend to think it’s nothing. But it's a pain that I can't describe the feeling. I guess I have to learn to live with it. My work attitudes kind of affected since I start feel the pain (around July/August 2009) because the pain mostly persists on morning (I always late to punch in, always take medical leave/emergency leave). Nowadays abah have to send me every day to office (though I have resolve not to menyusahkan abah anymore once upon a time ago) because I can't stand to take LRT in the morning. So I pray that one fine day it could be better.

• I guess there are nothing more to say about what have happened... Friends do come and go in my life... And I have use to it since I' little kid... So no argument on that. But to those my friend out there, I'm truly sorry if you feel I'm not being a good friend to you. I admit myself that I am always lack of friendly skill. If I don't contact you or poke you it doesn't mean I don't remember you. Deep in my heart you always be my friend if you still thought that so.

Finished rambling about past... So how about the future? What are my aims in 2010?

• I think about cut some weight as I had put lots of weight this past 2 years... All the diet programs are totally crap (seem not work out) for me. Maybe I could do some jogging tomorrow? Well we see what will happen then...
• Have boyfriend and get married... hahaha...
• Finished my third and next and next books for publish...
• Be a good daughter, more solehah lady, rajin sembahyang awal....
• Re-arrange my credit... Try to avoid shopping perhaps? huhuhu...
• Keep money and save my holiday so I could fly to California and meet my best friend Sharina...
• Further my study for Master program…
• Happiness!
• Etc...Etc...Etc... Can't think of anything more at the moment...

By the way…

Dear all I would like to take this opportunity to say I'm sorry if I ever hurt you take your belongings without permission and have any hutang with you... Please Halalkan whatever I owe you... And so am I in return... I always want to say like this (but I scared the word will be real soon... huhuhu what lah iejay ni kan...) just to remind myself that life is not longer. We never know when we will be call to HIM...

Marhaban ya Ramadhan...

Marhaban ya Ramadhan...
Bulan dimana nafas kita menjadi tasbih...
tidur kita menjadi ibadah...
amal kita diterima dan do'a kita di ijabah...

Sungguh cantik kain plekat,

dipakai orang pergi ke pekan.

Puasa Ramadhan semakin dekat,

silap dan salah mohon dimaafkan

Berharap padi dalam lesung,

yang ada cuma rumpun jerami,

hati bertatap langsung,

cuma terlayang blog ini.

Sebelum cahaya surga padam,

Sebelum hidup berakhir,

Sebelum pintu tobat tertutup,

Sebelum Ramadhan datang,

iejay memohon maaf zahir dan batin...

Taqqobalahu Minna Waminkum, Taqoballahu Ya Karim, Marhaban Ya Ramadhan

Allaahumma baariklanaa fi Sya'ban wa ballighnaa Ramadhan
Aminn...

Semoga Ramadhan AL MUBARAQ ini

membawa keberkatan kepada semua dan mengukuhkan ukhwah yang terbina….

SEMOGA RAMADHAN YANG BAKAL MENJELMA AKAN LEBIH BERERTI DLM APA JUA AMALAN YANG KITA LAKUKAN...

Bertemu kita lagi dengan Ramadhan Al-Mubaraq... Bulan Bonus untuk umat Islam sekalian untuk top-up semula amalan kita yang mungkin banyak loophole selama 11 bulan yang telah berlalu... Jadi marilah kita bersama-sama merebut peluang yang ada kerana mana kita tahun ini mungkin Ramadhan yang terakhir buat kita

p/s: lama dah tak menulis kat sini kan??? lots of things happened... lots of people around me have die like Arwah Mak Su my dearest neighbour (Al-Fatihah for her) and born (My nephew Ahamad Adi Zarif)... fall in love and frust from love... my first ever novel Lagu Cinta is on the shelf...and etc...

Memang rindu nak menulis disini tetapi ada masa a word cannot describe your feeling... Lagipun bukankah ada kata pepatah...

If something good happened to you, engraved it on the rock...

So it will remain forever for other to see...

But if something bad happened to you, just write it on the sand...

So the air will blow all the hatred feeling away from your life...

BTW I'm still single and available...still haven't meet my Mr. right... anyone interested? Please calll my dad to arange for rombongan peminangan ya... hahaha...

To End or Not To End

(picture credit: Sharina A. S - www.artly.org )

I don’t know what is happening to me now. It has been months I haven’t updating anything on this blog and lately I’ve become hardly to visit my own blog. I don’t know if I ever have a bad day or gray sky because everything seems fine to me. I still go to and back from work as usual. I’m still the one who looking forward to any chances having an MC or emergency leave from my work. I’m still the one who eagerly waiting the weekend to hit back on Monday morning. I’m still the old iejay that most of you know. So after few days of thinking over and over, I have come to this decision, a decision that come from nowhere; that I will hang the operation of this blog or perhaps close it if I have no more guts in next few months to update anything. I may come out with new website perhaps. Its not that I had receive any nasty comment or what so ever. It just that I don’t feel I want to regularly update my blog anymore. Maybe I won’t write anymore. Yeah, this is so me. I’m truly the one who only interested on something for a very short period, who likes to act as she is tough one though she’s not. However I’ll still blog hopping and leave comments on other bloggers blog as usual.

Maybe this is quarter life crisis, if I may call so. (FYI this term is existed in psychology though mid-life crisis is much more popular to the world and mostly all this kind of crisis will occur to male if to be compare with female.)

So this is the end. Thanks for all of your supports to this blog, my crap writing and me myself all this while. Perhaps I’ll be back, perhaps not…

Bad Day (Daniel Powter)

Where is the moment we needed the most

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

They tell me your blue skies fade to gray

They tell me your passion's gone away

And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low

You're faking a smile with the coffee you go

You tell me your life's been way off line

You're falling to pieces every time

And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?

The point is they laugh at what you say

And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

The camera don't lie

You're coming back down and you really don't mind

You had a bad day

(Oooh.. a holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink

And the whole thing turns out wrong

You might not make it back and you know

That you could be well oh that strong

And I'm not wrong

(yeah...)

So where is the passion when you need it the most

Oh you and I

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day

You're taking one down

You sing a sad song just to turn it around

You say you don't know

You tell me don't lie

You work at a smile and you go for a ride

You had a bad day

You've seen what you like

And how does it feel for one more time

You had a bad day

You had a bad day

Yours truly;

Little Picasso who has lost her Midas touch

My 50 Days Quests...

It's been sooooooooooooo long I haven't updated you blogspot..... I’m so lazy to change the layout and everything... after all I still keep you because you are my journal when I need a place to shout out so one fine day I may laugh back when I’m read it... hopefully....


Enough... Now back to the topic... MY 50 day quests! What is it? hmmm... mama and abah successfully arrived at Jeddah, Medina yesterday (22 nov 2007 @ 0100 hours Malaysia)... yup my abah and mama are doing their hajj now... they flight off on 21 nov 2007 @ 1135 hours from kelana jaya and will only be back to the family insyaallah by 10th January 2008.. it will be +/-50 days without mama and abah here... so that was my quests for...

Within this 50 days without abah and mama there are lots of thing I had to do on my own...

I have to manage all the house financials, bills, money that abah left for their child’s
I have to make sure my siblings especially my two younger brothers are fine during the 50 days...
abah give me the responsibility to keep all his and mama money, identity card, salary for his employee, monthly hire purchase payment for our perodua kembara
our house are clean and safe
my brothers do what they should do
all kitchen stock are enough for angah (my aunt) to cook
all the preparation for my brother to start back their school early January and new semester in mid December
etc...etc...duty that I should do...

So in conclusion I’ll be the master of the house for the next 50 days though I have an elder sister staying with me since she will be on and off for her outstation duty... previously I thought that I have to take the duty as 'Tukang Masak Diraja' for the 50 days... but since angah was here to accompany us... so I could rely on her to prepare my brother meals during the day and I could help her to prepare the food for dinner and weekend as when my mama is around...

Other than that I have to go to office by my own which is now I have to walk to putra wangsa maju to take the lrt... in emergency of being late I might drive the kembara to office (but then I’ll have problem with parking and massive traffic) or ask my brother to send me while he still around... anyhow it will be a good exercise for me to cut few pounds of my overweight (two and half years ago during the one and half month work with my*** outlet retail at masjid india I did losses few kgs when I walk every morning off to work) and I want to get use myself with this routine so I don’t have to burden abah anymore to send me to the setiawangsa putra station everyday when he back...

I'm aiming to cut down few kgs and slim down during the 50 days... mama always say I’m getting to look like my sis who already overweight... so mama hopefully when you back your lovely daughter are slimmer than before you go... *big grin*

During few days before and the last moments where they will leaving the house, there are lots of guest coming in and out... our cousins, immediate family, relatives and neighbor come to meet my Mama and Abah for the last time before their boarding... its quite tiring to clear the house back but I take it as good sign that everybody are blessing them since Mama and abah always being good to family and friends...

I do miss abah and mama a lottt... I do still cry when I pray for their safety and health over there...and even now there is tearing in my eyes... I miss mama appearance around the house...her babbling to me to do this and that... I miss mama cooking's... I miss to hear abah wake me up for subuh prayer and when I pretend that I don't hear... I miss abah voice every morning recite his Al-Quran that I give to him as present last year... I miss both of my mama and abah so much...I even feel like having fever since they gone...


Mama and Abah I’ll always pray for your safety and healthy there until you back here... hopefully both of you will get hajj mabrur... I still don’t want to lose you... I love both of you... please ALLAH, let me see their smile and hear their voice again this 10th January of 2008... I’ll promise to take a look on adik2 and fulfill the entire task that you give to me... I promise to try taking away all my stubbornness’... I want to forget and please forgive me for all the hatred feeling that I have in my heart towards both of you all this while...


Everyone who might read this, please pray for my Mama and Abah there...


p/s: why celcom can't roaming there... they already bought ample credit for their phone before leaving Malaysia that day so they can call their child’s.... the I-talk also not so efficient to be use there... duh!

tHiS FeEling...

dear inche blogie,

why ya lately ni me feel so blues? every night before sleep and everytime me wake up in the morning me has the feeling that dont wanna go to work, creating all the reason that me could think so me dont have to work...

inside me feel very demotivated lately... why ya? well guess that me start feel this when the office start revising the salary and me consider as the one who get lower increment because previously me didn't score well for degree... what the heck are they doing? its not fair..why after one and half year me work here they need to impliment this stupid policy? those get 3.0 and above can get 2K++. those below 3.0 which is including me get 1.7K... grrr... me do work as others too, me perform as others too...

do you know blogie,

me hate being transfer to this new department..almost 3 month me was hear..but me still don't feel like this place is for me...me cant really mingling with the clicks here... and should be, in this department me can do own decision... some said here, they test decision making of me... yes its true.. buta what is the meaning of using decision making skills if they allow most of all because the head of office say just go on... me dont feel good of this... me more love old department... why? because there, me have to liase with lawyers and the gang where me guess really challenge me self. here, in new department, me always have to confront stupid secretaries and management firms... sometimes they make feel like stupid.. me feel want to reject their applications, but the seniors say, me dont have the firmed reason to do so... guess that is too why me had the blues feeling inside...

sometimes me hate very much to take LRT... me hate to be late and make the punch card turn red... me hate being in the public congested.. but me dont want to make abah tired because he have to send me everyday to office.. how about if one day abah gone? me need to learn be indipendence as usual...as what me always be... why lately me dont feel like me is what me were before?

me know its not good to complaint this and that.. ALLAH has give me the best of all... not all friend of me have a good job as me after graduated... they have to work hard and do whatever they can... me that easily being appoint as officer in this office though the position not suitable with qualification of me... me should be glad, me have salary every month, the office quite near to house...previously me feel so happy work at this office... me dont care if the sallary not that high... me dont care if me had to work late and they dont pay me overtime... me do the job with all my heart... but now, me know that me cant stay here with happy face anymore.. it feel so burden to go to office everyday...

inche blogie,

lat few days me go to another interview... first me feel confident... but then when me in the interview room, me feel blank and talk nonsense... me donno if me have the chance or not... me really want to get out of this office.. me really want to get away of them... me want a new task... want something that can make me happy again... do me have the chances? this is what me really want at the moment...

married? guy? me dont think about that seriously anymore nowdays... for me if there meant someone for me, me will accept without any doubt... but me never miss to pray that ALLAh will sent me a guy who can love me and lead me to be a good girl... when me think back, whatever relationship me have with any guy, either purposly to make it potential future man or me sincerely be friend with them, will never last longer.. why ya? what can me conclude is, me always pray for a good guy.. may be all the guy me know (in wahtever reason me know them) not good for me and the future... so thats why ALLAH lead it to stop... after all its not good right a man and woman who have no relationship to be friend with each other if they dont have some one to accompany their meeting right? a ggod man for a good womaan... so me try to lead me self to be good even its hard to do... last night me sleep without pray isya'...Ya ALLAH me too busy read novels and feel tired and cant wake up early to pray as usual... should me have time before me start sleep... but me always lazy... then how ALLAH going to grant what me had pray for right?

hhhmmmmm....me know me always lazy and sometimes forget to pray as like me have the biggest country to manage like Nabi Sulaiman a.s.... me hope me can prevent it in the future.... me want ALLAH to grant what me has pray for... me want to get out of here...this office... me dont want to live in the stress.. with unhappy life...

were what all had happen are the signs that me should to take a step to leave this office? arrrrggghhhh.... me dont know!!!!

ErRr...EmMmM...

Some very good and very bad things

The most destructive habit....... ......... ......Worry

The greatest Joy......... ......... ......... ....Giving

The greatest loss........ ........Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work........ ....... Helping others

The ugliest personality trait....... ...... Selfishness

The most endangered species..... ....Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource.... ......... .. Our youth

The greatest "shot in the arm"........ ..Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome.... ......... .... Fear

The most effective sleeping pill........ Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease..... ....... Excuses

The most powerful force in life........ ......... . Love

The most dangerous person...... ......... ... A gossiper

The world's most incredible computer.... .... The brain

The worst thing to be without..... ......... ..... Hope

The deadliest weapon...... ......... ........ The tongue

The two most power filled words....... ........ "I Can"

The greatest asset....... ......... ......... ..... Faith

The most worthless emotion..... ......... .... Self-pity

The most beautiful attire...... ......... ....... SMILE!

The most prized possession.. ......... ..... Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication. .... Prayer

The most contagious spirit...... ......... .. Enthusiasm

The most important thing in life.... Almighty ALLAH

note from iejay :- after quite some times from the last post, so many things happens, but feel soooo.... lazzzzy to write down...hehehe...